***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
