He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
