smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
