I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
