I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
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