If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
