1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i would punch a child for taco bell
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
