if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
