Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
