I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
