Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
