I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
