its not stalking. its research.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
