the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
