New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
