If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
