so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
