She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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