I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
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