I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
