She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
