can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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