Christians are straight up FREAKS
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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