Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Randomize
