Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
