No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
