My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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