How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
