I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
