A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
