Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
