did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
