This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
