mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I party with great urgency now.
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