ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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