He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
