I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
