im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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