I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
