She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
