You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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