just tell him i said nine months
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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