Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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