I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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