none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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