the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
