who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
