i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
