he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
