therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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