I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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