I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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