Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
