I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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